Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
