Yo dont text me then not text me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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