My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize