Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
