and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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