pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize