Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
