There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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