do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
