Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
