Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
