as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
