Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
