i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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