I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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