Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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