I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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