after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
