oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
