Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
