Don't you send me to vm
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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