I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
