you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
