I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
