I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
