Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
