a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
