The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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