I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
