I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
