How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
