How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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