Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
