The maid of honor just puked.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
