omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
