Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
