Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
