i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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