I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize