why didn't you poke me back
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
