He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
