Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
