I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
