my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm at about main and main street
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
