honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
