i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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