Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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