So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
