I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
