8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
