Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
