Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
