Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
