I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
