ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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