Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
