i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Boobs speak an international language.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
