I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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