SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
