I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
two words: eviction party
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
