i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
