The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
