I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
