dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you bring me the toilet please
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize