I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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