Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
