Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize