do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
