Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
