hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
