Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
