Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize