Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sobbing to NWA
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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